The Lady’s Man and The Reality of Delay

Even the strongest and fiercest heart responds to the most tender expression of love from both the most random persons and people that our hearts consider special! You are not going to fight this statement of mine, right? I mean you agree that love is a basic necessity of life, right? Not that the lack of it makes you any inferior or reduces your credibility in any way but the truth remains that the presence of genuine love in your life makes for the fulfilment of the scripture “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor”

Except you have never been loved right, love is as beautiful as its tales come, regardless of the other perks that accompany love relationships. I think it is completely legitimate to long for this in its absence however that process of longing turn the most beautiful Queens into unexpected versions of themselves. Bottom line, longing and waiting in the case of delay in marriages or relationships, has to be done right. Some principles must be adhered to and built on. Good thing is that I happen to have a few recommendations. Worked excellently for me and while I wasn’t trying to consciously engage these principles, it has taken months of reflection to extract and organize these thoughts and I hope you find it most helpful.

My Five ‘Ds’ for Managing Delay in Marriage

I recall my early years of coming to deep knowledge of God while in the University. I would always question the genuineness of people who pray or worship and go…I love you lord. Not that I did not love the father but I just wasn’t sure I was in that space where I could go 1 hour just worshipping at his feet and telling him how much I loved him. I mean I was grateful he gave me life and is watching over that life but love… I needed to mean it!

When my journey of discovery started and I read books that helped my understanding, I had come to a full realization of the sacrifice of Jesus. An in-depth understanding of the significance of the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus and its implication for me. Loving on him became not only easy but profoundly genuine and fun. Love is directly proportional to knowledge. Knowledge is the result of discovery and the process of discovery requires substantial amount of time. Lets just say this period of delay has bought you ample amount of time to DISCOVER YOURSELF in truly special ways and lay the foundation for how much love you would pour on YOU which would definitely impact the measure of love he (your man) would eventually mete on you!

Love is as beautiful as its tales come
Emmanuela Awoh

This process of discovery can be tricky as you might find things that don’t appeal to even YOU. You might realize you are not satisfied with where you are, whom you have become or perhaps how you look. You might be drowning in guilt for wrongs choices you made in the past. I would give you a trick today – Always remember and personalize this ‘I am all I have got and I cannot afford to give up on myself’.

Develop, emphasize and project your strengths until that is almost the only thing visible to others. As for your weaknesses, understand that every single individual on this earth including people you look up to have got one weakness or the other! What you must do is to work hard at improving in your areas of weakness. Invest in your growth, forgive yourself, read about what God thinks of you and whom he has made you through Christ! Do everything you must until you look at the woman you are and DEVELOP PROFOUND LOVE FOR YOURSELF that transcends mere words and social media captions like #selfloveisthebestlove.

Furthermore, It always takes two wholesome people to make a relationship work and while you may have learnt to love yourself so dearly, trauma from previous bad experiences or relationships just might stand between you and your best love life. Your ideals and expectations from him (your man) just might be flawed. Your understanding of the purpose of your relationship might need some adjustment. All in all, the little foxes that spoil the vine are right here hunting you and making sure you do not have a pleasant love life. Now imagine that you have to deal with these after you have met your man! Unnecessary friction, breakups, unhappiness are just a fraction of what the experience would be.

As a result, I recommend you DECLUTTER YOUR MIND and purge it of these little foxes while you are currently experiencing delay. Ensure that you feed your mind a healthy balanced diet (not just junk) by what you read, hear and see. This is why we have been instructed to “Guard our hearts with all diligence for out of the heart flows the issues of Life, Prov 4:23”. I strongly recommend the scriptures as it is able to help you renew your mind and make you wise in all aspects of your love walk

I cannot guarantee that while you are working at discovering/developing love for yourself and decluttering your mind, feelings of anxiety would not pop from time to time. You would prolly catch yourself imagining what he (your man) would look like or the circumstances that would lead up to your meeting him. If you are above 30 in Nigeria, family would probably remind you daily that marriage is a part of life too. I can guarantee you, however, that if you DISTRACT YOURSELF by finding your best distraction, best leisure, best activity…something that you absolutely enjoy doing beyond work. Something that keeps you immersed for a significant time and that you thoroughly enjoy every moment you are immersed. Mine was the gym and YouTube! If you find it, all the hours you spend engaging in it would add up to some weeks, months, years and you realize your best distraction distracted you from the delay!

Well, if you have done the first three steps accurately, you would be glowing with Joy so much so, that you would meet men who find your happiness and confidence an enchanting charm and they would warm up to you as a result. It is time to take DISCUSSIONS TO THE NEXT LEVEL! Don’t be that girl that waits around until he says something first. Yet don’t be eager to say everything every time. The trick here is simple – Enjoy your conversations and contribute significantly. Feel free to take the lead (of conversations) sometimes. Project confidence and sophistication. Let him leave the table wanting more.

My point is…a man may have been attracted to your physical appearance at first but it might not be enough to make him want to keep you forever. The more of you he discovers, the more of you he would fall in love with. I mean you can literally make someone fall in love with you daily. Simply let them experience the different dimensions to you daily. Lest I forget, there are two persons involved here. Make sure you are also looking out for the right things in him as the discussion progresses. If you don’t like who you see from your interactions, please feel free to take a walk and make sure to love the sound of your feet walking away from everyone that don’t belong to you!

The 41 minutes video on YouTube definitely gives more details! 
https://youtu.be/OAKRzc1lofk
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